Dear Brad,
I am Toh Zhi Ting, Sheryl. I graduated from Pioneer Junior College with an A-level certificate a year ago. Upon graduating, I decided to join the workforce to gain working experience and widen my perspective before returning back to my education journey.
My experience in the workforce was a fruitful one as it has allowed me to better understand my preferences for jobs. During that period, I had the chance to work under three companies, namely IntoEProjects, People’s Association (PA) and Coca-Cola. Amongst the three, I enjoyed my stay in PA Headquarters the most due to the friendly working environment and its nature of work. I would like to work for PA upon graduation in SIT, should I be granted the chance to. Nonetheless, I am very grateful for the opportunity given by the companies for such exposure.
Besides working, I also had my fair share of leisure in sports and travelling. I have an undying love for travelling but not the capability to travel frequently. Therefore, I hope to excel in SIT, in hope to earn sufficient money in the future to fund my interest in travelling with my loved ones. I also hope to backpack to different countries to explore more than just the tourists attractions, but to understand more about their culture.
Last but not least, thank you for taking time off to read my email. I look forward to more Friday sharing sessions with you.
TLM1010 
Thank you, Sheryl, for this introductory letter. You do a good job of concisely presenting some information about your learning and work journey to date. Your background is rather unique in contrast to that of the others in our class. I do have a few questions related to that experience:
What sort of work did you do in the three companies? How long were you employed? What sparked your interest in SIT?
I see that you have a strong interest in traveling. Good for you! Honestly, that was what inspired me to get into teaching ‘abroad’ (outside the USA). When I discovered that I could live virtually anywhere and earn a living teaching English (or communication), the deal was sealed for me.
Though this is a fluent post, there are a few areas that need review:
1) Introduction of myself >>> (phrasing) self introduction
2) the numbers 1-10 are typically spelled out when written within a text (i.e., three companies, amongst the three)
3) it’s friendly >>> ?
4) to fund for my interest >>> to fund my interest
5) Last but not least, Thank you… >>> ?
6) Monday sharing sessions >>> Monday?
I appreciate your effort and look forward to learning more about you this term.
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Dear Brad,
Thank you for taking time off to review my e-mail. I have improvised my email as suggested. I am happy that you are able to fulfil your hobby and still earn a living for your family. I look forward to more lessons with you to improve my standard of English.
Thank you.
Cheers,
Sheryl Toh
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Dear Sheryl,
After reading your email, I have a clearer understanding of your interest and aspirations.I find it interesting that you worked in People’s Association (PA).I too worked temporarily in People’s Association before being enrolled in SIT.
Your introduction is detailed and clear however I think the first paragraph could be broken into 2 paragraphs.
I hope you will be able to achieve your goals of travelling the world upon graduation.
Regards,
Syafiq Bashir
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Dear Syafiq,
Thank you for the kind words. I am surprised that you worked in PA before enrolling to SIT. However, I have never seen you at PA before. Which department were you in?
Thank you for your suggestion. I have edited accordingly!
Same to you, I hope you will be able to fulfil your dreams too.
Cheers,
Sheryl Toh
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